There are specific themes in our life which are so highly valued you could say we would be willing to die for them. And ironically, to let some of them go and move beyond them, something within us indeed has to die.
But what happens when we recognize these “holy concepts” within ourselves, and we also realize that we’ve built an impenetrable Ring of Ignorance around them too?
For some people, these stories are built around their kids. Or the idea of them being a good parent. Or the fact that they are a nice person, a hard worker, a brave rebel, a successful entrepreneur, or a virtuous saint.
But some also fixate on the opposite and build untouchable identities around the self-sabotaging aspects in their life too. They focus on them being a dumb idiot, a lazy brat, a useless coward, a pathetic liar, or an unloved (and unloveable) child.
We all build stories around what we believe in, and then treat these beliefs as set in stone and therefore unchangeable.
I don’t know why we do it though. But I guess it has something to do with the fact that we love to have a form of certainty about who we are.
We constantly ping the environment to see where we are standing compared to everyone else. And, for example, knowing that we suck at least gives us the certainty that we are at the bottom of the competence hierarchy and therefore provides us with at least some form of assuranceto work with.
With certainty comes security. And with this security, we can finally relax and lower our stress levels again. And arguably, these are all intrinsically good things!
The problem only arises when we never fully catch up with reality. It becomes problematic when we turn our temporary life experiences into lifelong and permanent stories which we then keep repeating to ourselves over and over again and cling to them even when nothing in our surroundings still supports this idea anymore.
We hold on to the story and build a self-fulfilling prophecy around it which ironically blocks out any new and opposing thought and further keeps us stuck within what we already know (and might even hate).
Ironically, what also happens is that we judge someone who is trying to prove us wrong as an enemy, as they apparently seem to rob us from the last bit of certainty and security our false identity provides.
When someone tries to convince you that you are indeed NOT a loser who is useless and unloveable and you, therefore, deserve to live a great life as well, your “identity” threatens to break down.
Your whole past suddenly makes no sense anymore as you realize how different everything could have been if only you would have dropped this stupid and toxic idea of “what you think you are” way earlier. Also, your future turns into an insecure and unstable mess in an instant for the same exact reason. And how do you move forward in the present now?
So, the outsider who tries to prove you wrong is indeed a threat. But in our ignorance, we don’t see that the “threat” is only temporary and that the long-term benefits of letting old and outdated beliefs go again usually outweigh the initial discomfort in no time.
But wouldn’t you agree that having a more positive attitude toward yourself by treating yourself like someone you are responsible for helping is in ANY form better than the other way around?
And isn’t it funny how we can become addicted to something which doesn’t serve us at all, and yet, cling to it like a maniac and defend it with our lives?
