“GIVE ME MY FUCKING PHONE!”
He laughed at me and pretended he has no idea what I am talking about. I shouted at him again mocked by his cocky attitude. He smiled satisfied.
And then blind rage overcame me and I hit him as hard as I could.
Time slowed down and finally paused…
It was just me. Standing there in the middle of a dark park at 5 AM in the morning. In Barcelona. After hitting a bigger and stronger guy who (I think?) is the one who just stole my phone and I ran after.
Life is on hold.
Yet. No thoughts. No judgements. No labels.
– No “What if he hits me back?”
– No “What if he has a weapon?”
– No “What if it is the wrong guy?” (lol)
– No “Who calls my mom when I die here?”
– No “Why didn’t the girl in the club hook up with me?”
For a split second I was in peace. Or at least very alert.
(Maybe that’s what dying feels like lol…)
—
When you are in love life is on hold as well.
You recall that one very moment as you look at her and something within your chest expands.
Right at this moment. Like something deep inside you ignites. Something that wasn’t there before.
Love?
Time stops.
You are just there in the moment.
At peace.
“I could die now.”
—
And that’s what happened.
At least the relationship died. And you lie there heartbroken and your life is on hold once more.
You can’t get out of bed for way too many days (or weeks?) in a row. You are a mess and don’t even care about changing it again.
You are a piece of shit.
Like your heart, your life is now shattered into pieces. Everything crumbles. Your job. Your passion. Your dreams.
(Why even give a shit?)
And you lie there in bed within all the tiny pieces and wonder why you should even give a fuck about putting them back together?
Who cares?
WHO ACTUALLY CARES?
Life is on hold once more.
But this time you hate every moment of it.
—
There are moments which take your breath away.
And with it they seem to take your thoughts and anxiety of the future. They take away your guilt and regrets of the past.
They force you into the present.
They make you appreciate life.
They make you feel love.
(Good moments…)
But sometimes we need “sour moments” in order to remind ourselves to look at the sweet ones. And that’s what life gives you too.
Sometimes your life has to crumble and get shattered into pieces in order for you to learn how to see the good stuff once more.
Because oftentimes we just don’t see them. They fly by while we were busy handling our “life”.
We were too busy to acknowledge the magic moments that happen all day long. Right next to us. Right here.
We are not looking. Not paying attention. And then life hits us hard. In order for us to wake up.
And when we finally do, suddenly life pauses again. It goes back on hold. You are alert. You are in the moment. You are at peace.
“I could die now.”