I need to reinvent myself… fast.
When you look yourself in the mirror and no longer like what you see, you are in BIG TROUBLE. If you feel disgusted by it it’s even worse.
It felt like I was lying to myself. Like I ignored my deepest values. And betrayed the very one person I can’t hide from. “Why can’t I run from myself? And leave everything behind? To start anew?
My FIGHT OR FLIGHT impulse kicked in. And since I was too afraid to “fight myself” at this point, I opted for running as far away as I could.
But as I read (and obviously ignored) in “Wherever You Go, There You Are”
: you can’t go somewhere without taking all your emotional baggage with you.
If I hate myself here, I’ll hate myself there as well.
—
So at some point – in order to reinvent myself – I had to step up and fight this monster. Within me.
I had to face all the bullshit thoughts that got me in this mess in the first place. I had to look the person in the mirror in the eyes and (after being disgusted by what I saw), tell myself that this is not how this story is going to end. I am not done yet.
I had to let go of what I think I was, in order to become what I already am but still secretly reject.
I had to destroy my flawed self-image.
And catch up with reality.
In order to reinvent myself…
“But where do I start?”
You start with with the first step…
1. Love Yourself
If you don’t love yourself you are fucked…
I didn’t truly love myself for quite some time. And every form of affection and love from my loved ones and the people close to me just went right through me. Unnoticed.
No external love and affection would have ever been enough to fill my empty cup. If I don’t love myself, I’ll be running around with a leaking cup and beg for more and more.
Never having enough water to drink.
And eventually dying from thirst.
(Thirst for love?)
Start with yourself.
I had to “love myself like my life depends on it”
.
Because it does.
2. Distance Yourself
My past will always catch up with me. I’ll never be free again!
Unless I distance myself from it.
In order to write a new story and reinvent myself, I have to let go of the past.
[Tweet “Put some mental distance between you and the “story of you”. “]
I had to let go of the old stories I couldn’t bear hearing over and over again in my head.
The mistakes.
The failures.
Everything I did which eventually fucked up my current life situation and now makes me hate myself for it.
Distance yourself.
Don’t run from it, like I did. But still put some mental distance between you and the “story of you”.
I know, I know. It’s hard.
Maybe even impossible.
Unless you…
3. Accept Yourself
For so long I was trying to be someone who I wasn’t.
I tried to fit in.
I shape-shifted myself into all kind of different forms in order to finally feel accepted.
(By whom?)
Again the mistake was within myself.
I didn’t accept myself at all.
I felt like I was not good enough. Like there needs to be more to me than there is. Like that wouldn’t be enough already.
So I sought acceptance from the people around me.
And felt terrible because I didn’t get it.
And then I changed in all kind of ways until I finally did.
But then it was even worse. I felt even more empty inside than before because I (deep down) knew that they only accepted the mask I was wearing.
But did they ever accept ME?
Did I?
4. Forgive Yourself
Forgiving someone who wronged you is hard. And it becomes nearly impossible if the one who betrayed you is you.
Still every day I try to free myself a little bit of the guilt and pain which comes from holding on to this anger. Towards myself.
I forgive myself.
In order to finally find peace.
And move on.
So I can…
5. Reinvent Yourself
What would you do or be if you simply… let go of your old story and all the bullshit which comes with it?
And start anew?
