Whenever I had to make a decision in my life I asked myself (consciously or unconsciously) the following three questions.
Ultimately they made me end up where I am right now (however good or bad that may be):
1. What do I focus on?
A lot of bullshit happens in our daily life, we get it.
But it’s what we are focusing on that determines the direction of where our life is heading.
Do I focus on the many opportunities I have, or on all the shortcomings I obviously can’t overcome? Do I focus on the one thing I have tremendous talent in, or do I focus on the many things I am merely less than averagely good at?
Depending on your focus, your life turns out differently…
2. What does it mean?
The next thing that happens is that we begin to give meaning to whatever external event we are focusing on. That’s just what we as humans love to do.
“WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!”
Because “things” in general are neither good or bad but we decide on our own which category they fall in.
So…
Does my business failing and declaring bankruptcy mean I am a complete failure who disappointed everyone? Or does it mean that I have obviously overlooked something fundamental and with this newly gained knowledge and experience I am now more than ready to make it better on the next try?
Different meanings, different outcomes…
And totally different lives.
3. What do I do now?
Based on the things that I am focusing on and the meaning I gave my current circumstances, what do I do about it now?
When I broke up with my girlfriend I felt like a complete loser, who is addicted to making himself miserable.
I FOCUSED on the fact that I failed at yet another relationship.
And this MEANS that I am totally incapable of having a healthy relationship.
So I DID the one thing that fits this focus and meaning. I crawled into my bed, cried myself to sleep, fell into my next depression, distracted myself with endless hours of video games and hated myself for the next couple of months.
Do I think that another focus, meaning and action could have made me end up somewhere else?
Yes.
Definitely.
But sometimes we have to make poor choices so we can learn from them, bounce back and make better ones the next time.
