I never told anyone that I was starting a blog.
“When did you write ALL THAT?! Why did you never mention it?”, my best friend said after he randomly googled my name a good year into it.
Nobody knew back then.
Well, my mom knew. And to my embarrassment she was the only one liking my posts on Facebook for quite some time. And even worse, she doesn’t even speak English. LOL. But I get it. She just tried to encourage me. To make me keep going. I guess she knew.
Honestly, I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. I didn’t want to be rejected. I was scared SHITLESS.
And isn’t it the worst idea ever to think about putting yourself out there when you are afraid of being rejected?
It took me so much “courage” to get over this fear. I didn’t want to make it any worse. It was unbearable already.
It’s a trap.
The whole thing of starting “something new”.
For whatever reason one day a new thought enters your mind. A thought of doing something great. Or just something you REALLY care about. Because it means “greatness” to YOU. Or because you just WANTED to do it for such a long time and you are tired of procrastinating.
Maybe this thought even was there the whole time. Could this be possible? But you never listened to it. And even if. You never even considered it to be an option. You could have never pulled that off. The time was not ready yet.
Is it now?
Still, by some “lucky” coincidence you now listened to it. You listened to it for the first time. And you thought about it. You REALLY thought about following through on “this voice” in your head.
New opportunities arise. You see yourself in a different light. You see it clearly in front of you. Hope?
“Could I actually do this?!”
You are ready to get started. But then. Suddenly, the trap snaps. Gone. The short phase of “making great changes in your life” is gone.
Where did it go?
You can’t hear it anymore. You lost it in the blur of thoughts.
Stupid thoughts rush in. “Ah how did I miss them!” They occupy your mind. The daily routine kicks in too. Remember there is work to be done! Serious stuff. Important stuff..
“I’m too busy.”
“I have to do this first.”
“Let’s think about that more tomorrow.”
“No I could NEVER pull this off.”
“It’s stupid anyways.”
“I should focus on the important stuff first.”
Something is holding you back. Someone is talking you out of it. Someone or something? Maybe it’s just you. Maybe something more evil. Maybe both.
But it doesn’t matter. “It” won this round. And you forget about your grand idea again.
Until it haunts you again.
It could take years though.
This time you hear it even a little bit more clearly than the last time. It’s even louder now too. Like a command. Or an order even. From your muse maybe?
No that’s ridiculous. Let’s be real here. But still, your gut is telling you something. Yes, let’s call it a gut feeling. And they say you gotta listen to your gut, right?
It keeps you restless. The “idea” of you pulling it off now finally becomes more realistic. There must be something to it. Somehow it feels just RIGHT.
The next day. Duty calls once more. Again you forget about it. A chance to do something “great” is gone. Again. Another day lost.
Resistance has beaten you.
Will it come back? You don’t know. You forgot about it already.
Luckily “your muse” is not giving up. Or who else is pushing you into this new direction?
Whatever it is. It is persistent.
Every day “something” is telling you where to go. It’s like something bigger than you is pointing you the direction to go. It’s guiding you. We just have to listen. And create opportunities for these “insights” to enter.
Because there is too much going on it’s hard to hear them clearly.
There is too much noise.
It’s a trap.
But what if you just “avoid” the trap?
By getting started?
And taking the smallest step into this new direction? Being curious about where it might lead you. Embracing the faith.
But wait. No…