This Happens When You Change - Thomas Mondel

People Hate You When You Change

People will hate you. 

And then you feel uncomfortable, stuck and like a failure.

“What did I do wrong?”

“Why do they hate me?”

Here is what happens:

1. First, they’ll hate you because you want to change.

At some point you begin to step up.

You decided to move away from where you are right now to the place where you want to be. A little bit closer to where you deep down in your heart know you belong.

  • As a kid you talk back to your parents.
  • As a teenager you get drunk to show how mature you already are.
  • As an adults you do even crazier shit to simply prove a point.

And everyone around you is just watching you confused. “What is wrong with THIS GUY?”, they might think. “He went nuts!”

But did you really?

What if in reality you finally went a little bit closer to sane?

So deep down they might admire you for being brave enough to let go of the guilt, the past mistakes, the old story, the toxic self-image, the unhealthy self-sabotage.

But on the outside it shows as hate.

If you decided to move on nonetheless,…

2. They’ll hate you because you have changed.

“How can you do this to us?”

They portray you as a selfish little jerk who only has his own interest in his mind.

Again.

Guilt.

And it’s a powerful tool to make the ones who already took the leap eventually fall back to their old self. 

But it can’t be undone.

Once you moved beyond your limitations, there is no going back. Once the seed is planted, transformation is inevitable.

Why would you even want to?

You’ve seen the light.

And you want others to see it too.

You try so hard to show them the way. To guide them and take them by the hand. To make it a tiny bit easier for them.

But for whatever reason they’d rather remain stuck.

And then…

3. They hate themselves because they didn’t.

Nothing is as unbearable as the knowledge of untapped potential.

It always comes with regret and hate. Hate towards oneself. And that’s the most destructive form of it.

But eventually as they remain in their self-hate long enough, and it’s the only thing they feed their mind and soul, they literally get fed up by it as well.

And maybe, they begin to evaluate the idea of change for themselves as well…

But they now have to change despite everyone else around them hating them for even thinking about it.

So now what?

  • The 3rd point hit the hardest. As the saying goes, people often hate you because they want to be like you.

    Secretly, people see the change in you and resent your guts for doing what you wanted to, especially if it challenges the status quo.

    Also, number four when you change probably is that you come across like-minded people, who show you that it’s okay… no, it’s awesome… to be how you are now.

    Superb post Thomas!

  • Thomas Mondel

    Nice addition. Thanks man!