“I’ll be a millionaire by the age of 35! I’ll prove them all wrong!”
And what for?
I am obsessed with this financial goal. In my head it’s the solution to all my problems. Like an idiot, I am willing to sacrifice my now, in hopes for something that I assume will fix my future.
But who tells me that the future will save me? Because most of the times it won’t. Not only do I give all my power away by trusting the future more than the present moment, I also invite something else into my life:
The nasty feeling of…
I’m Not Good Enough
“Do you even feel worthy of being loved?”, she asked me.
I didn’t know what to say, because deep down I knew I wasn’t. If you constantly think that you are not “good enough” and something you want is “way out of your league”, how are you supposed to “own it” and feel like you are worthy of it.
I know that if you truly believe that you deserve something, you usually get it. I’ve seen it over and over again in my life. And yet I can’t apply this simply advice to my most personal and emotional scars:
If you feel entitled to something, you’ll attract more of it. If you feel unworthy of something, you’ll self-sabotage it out of your life.
If you yourself can’t even wrap your head around the idea that you are worthy of her, how could she?
And because you feel that way, there is this constant…
Need for More
When I don’t feel good enough, I look for the most obvious solution for that problem. I need more, so I can feel less like less and more like more. Simple, right?
We force ourselves to get more validation from others in forms of a better job, a more beautiful or younger spouse, more money, a bigger house, a nicer car, a better suit…
A lot of superficial crap to cover up an emotional mess.
Because unless you fix the problem underneath all that, everything you add is simply a bandage over an open wound. Don’t try to fix the symptoms, fix the problem instead.
Because if you don’t, then…
“More” Quickly Turns into “Never Enough”
Everyone has his number. A certain amount of income at which they feel it’s OK to drop everything and say “fuck you” to the world, so they can finally start living their own idea of a good life. The problem for most people though is, that this number is “more”.
- “Once I get a better paying job, I’ll feel happy!”
- “Once I buy a big house, I’ll feel like I have arrived’!”
- “Once I have a beautiful girlfriend, I’ll feel like I am the man!”
But all of these stupid thoughts come with a big downside:
Suddenly you realize that the beautiful girlfriend didn’t fix your inability to love yourself or even enjoy your own company. The better-paying job didn’t give you the life satisfaction you longed for. The new big house doesn’t make you enjoy your “roots” but makes you feel more empty and lost than you felt before.
Because once you get them, they turn into “what’s next?” And then we look for the next big thing, continuing this endless search.
And we forget that there is nothing out there that can ever make us more complete than we already are right now.
Let Them TAKE Away Everything You Have
And you’ll realize they can’t take anything at all. This is one of the more abstract concepts I believe in.
Funny things happens when you let go: Soon, you’ll realize that EVERYTHING comes and goes anyways – no matter how hard you chase it or cling on to it. When you let go instead, you begin to enjoy the journey with all its ups and downs.
Sometimes, my girlfriend got annoyed by my indifference, but I always felt that in indifference there lies a lot of untapped power.
When you begin to enjoy the good moments as long as they last, but also don’t get too attached to them and also don’t act all butt-hurt as soon as they disappear again, you’ll realize that…
Your Life Situation Is Not Your Life
I am addicted to make life miserable for myself.
Whenever I face a bad circumstance I constantly project it into the future and I assume that whatever I experience right now will be there now forever and always.
We get so attached to the story of our current circumstances, that we sometimes even make ourselves believe that our life situation is our life. We forget that life lies underneath all those superficial life situations we go through.
- Your life is not your lack of money.
- Your life is not your relationship status.
- Your life is also not your house or car.
But in order to move beyond bad circumstances (and to not make it falsely become your life) you have to cultivate…
Having Good Faith and PUTTING In Hard Work
I have to cultivate the faith that I can move beyond a bad circumstance. But positive thinking alone won’t get me far without putting in the work – that would be naive and stupid. It’s about accepting your circumstances and then work hard and smart to move beyond them.
All good things take time. But time is all it takes.
And soon I’ll be a millionaire and I’ll prove them all wrong.