Thomas Mondel Writer. Thinker. Blogger.

How To Survive A Breakup

A breakup is tough. In fact it is probably the most deflating and destroying thing you might experience in your life. And it never gets easier.

It makes no difference if you are the one being broken up with or if you are the one breaking up with your partner. It just simply hurts. Everything you build up with your partner, everything you had in that relationship is gone from one moment to the other.

It sucks.

Unconsciously we are looking for a quick fix and make our self believe that we want our partner back. But although this might be the truth, it’s often not.

You trick yourself into thinking that you want your partner back, because there is this huge gap now between how you felt back then with him/her and you feel now. You are crushed now, but you felt loved and happy back then. Everything feels empty and useless now, but life was so good and fulfilling while in your relationship.

Of course you want to restore that feeling, who wouldn’t?

But remember: this is just a quick and very short-sighted fix and it would fire back very soon!

Make yourself conscious that nobody leaves a relationship that does meet all of his/her needs. Which sane person would walk away from a relationship that fulfilled ALL their needs to the fullest? So accept this decision.

You are still YOU after the breakup.

Although you might be crushed and feel destroyed right after the breakup, although everything around you seems to go out of control, eventually you will realize that YOU are still there. You are still you. You are the only constant.

You are probably not at your best right now, but you are still you.

When you feel powerless and don’t know what to do, focus on stuff you can control. It will give you the power and the drive to go through this challenging time.

And the only thing you CAN control at this stage is yourself.

Realize that what happened to you is there for a reason and you can push through it. I truly believe that.

I don’t mean, this silly “there have to be something good in every bad you just don’t see it yet” attitude.

I mean a very grounded and fundamental basic principle that tells me that whatever I experience in my life is there for the simple reason to grow and become something better. Every experience in my life was necessary to become the person I am right now. Life will lead you to your true meaning and give you all the experiences necessary to reach your destiny.

And the funny part of life is, it will give you the same or similar experiences as often as needed for you to accept it and take on the hidden opportunity for personal growth.

Actually you might not yet see it, but underneath all the pain of the breakup there is a hidden chance for great personal growth buried underneath. To push through this tough and challenging times in your life you have to build yourself up again. You got destroyed and now you have to build everything up from ground. It takes a lot of time and even more effort to do so, but it is always worth the pain.

You get destroyed to grow stronger.

This is how life works.

Everything in life is based on that repeating circles of creation and destruction. Low tide and high tide. Yin and Yang. You got defeated to get a chance to improve your grounding, your basement.

On a shaky ground you can only build such a high building until it collapses.

If you want to reach higher grounds and build a bigger tower, you might realize that you can work on the structure of that building and improve it as long as you want, but it would not last until you work on the grounding too.

This is what a breakup does for you. It tells you to step up in life and work on your basement. Get yourself together and find your inner grounding. Go back to center again.

And from there build everything up and reach new heights.

Good luck!

  • Thank you for this post. I needed to hear this.

  • I am happy you liked it. I was going through a tough breakup myself lately, so this was something I wanted to get off my chest. I am glad other people find this useful too.

  • Absolutely.

    Also, I wanted to share with the post I just did on my break up. http://bit.ly/12DvjVJ

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  • Candy H.

    I love how you describe the hidden treasure behind every painful experience! It’s really inspiring and helps to focus on the good in everything. Thank you!

  • Thomas Mondel

    Thank you Candy!

  • What a great analogy. It’s so true. You kind of have to get back down to your foundation and rebuild and bigger and better home! I love it. Thank you.

  • Thomas Mondel

    Awesome thank you!

Thomas Mondel Writer. Thinker. Blogger.