You are basically mind-reading when you think you know what the other person is thinking and you answer for them, even though they have not told you anything about it yet.
You can identify this simply by focusing on your thoughts in different scenarios. Phrases like “he is mad at me”, “she doesn’t like me”, “they are going to hate me” are typical patterns for you reading other people’s minds and actually not knowing for sure at all.
The issue by thinking these thoughts is, that you will project them on your significant other(s). You “believe” that this is what is going to happen and because you already “know” you adapt your approach accordingly, which is always bad.
The truth is you will NEVER know what a person is really thinking unless you ask them for their thoughts on that specific topic. Until then everything you make up in your mind is irrelevant and a waste of time and energy.
But asking for somebody’s real thoughts on something is also an issue in itself. People tend to talk very superficial about their inner affairs.
They just often tell you plain facts but not what they mean REALLY by saying that. Often there is so much more in the message they give you than the actual words can provide you.
That is also the reason why you should get good at listening as soon as possible. You have to focus your full attention to the person you are talking to. Focus on the current moment. Be there fully. Make good eye-contact.
I know a lot of people say this stuff, but it actually means a lot.
When you look somebody in the eyes while listening to them they will appreciate it. It just feels tremendously different when somebody is actually paying attention to you. When they are HERE with you. Both physically and mentally. And give you 100% of their focus and time.
Which is a very precious gift.
The person will value it. He will get so much more out of it if you are not simply nodding and drifting off in your mind to something else. Something you judge more important. Maybe something in the future. Or something that happened in the past.
But you are neglecting the present moment. And therefore also the moment and time with this very person.
There is nothing more important than the actual moment, because it is everything you will ever truly have. The other person will appreciate it if you stay there with them.
Think about this for a moment, that was actually pretty deep…