“Wear your weakness like an armor, and it can never be used to hurt you” – That little guy from Game of Thrones. When some people are rude to us we tend to look for the error in them. We might get angry. We believe that they are the cause of the problem. We like to blame others for our life situation because it is just easier. But as I deeply believe, you are always the cause of your experiences. When people treat you in an unfriendly, disrespectful or rude way, these people are there to mirror you certain aspects in YOURSELF. It is just a reflection of your traits. It is given to you the special opportunity to fix it. So you should be happy about it.
Of course there will always be people who just try to bring you down or pick on you, they won’t even do it consciously most of the time. But even in this rare scenario it is YOU who is challenged to handle this situation smoothly. You can either be offended and angry about the other person being rude to you or you can be at peace and see it as it is: An unhealthy situation you can either put your energy and focus in or not. It is again your choice!
Don’t Let Rude People Kill Your Mood =)
Whenever you find yourself not being able to handle a certain discussion or argument with enough strength to stay calm, ask your self the following:
- Couldn’t it be that it is not YOU who got offended, but furthermore your ego?
- Is there some identity you made up for yourself, which you don’t want to let go and that is the reason why you feel so upset?
- Couldn’t it be that if somebody calls you lazy that you actually are, but you don’t want to hear it because it would conflict with your inner mental picture of yourself?
- Are you maybe afraid that if you admit the fact that he/she is right, the other person might leave you?
Let go of your ego, and you can see clearly again. When somebody calls you a “fat brick” and you get extremely mad, couldn’t it be the case that you are in fact ALSO not happy with your body and them addressing it just makes it so difficult for you to handle it properly?
Instead of being upset, try being alert. Ask yourself if this is something you already know about yourself and if the other person is just pointing it out to you. I assume it is not the harsh words that offend you the most, furthermore it is the fact that you have to ADMIT that they are right and it is “true”. This does not mean that you should slip in the victim role and tell yourself that “this is just me, I can’t do anything about it”. The other person is just a reflection of your own emotions and acts as a signal. A pointer to action.
Acceptance is the first step. Action is the second. This is what it is right now. But it does not mean it cannot change in the future. All you have to do is doing the necessary steps in the right direction now.