Everyday I bitch about stuff. I catch myself complaining about all kinds of weird things. I gossip about people. I put other people down because I feel insecure about my own self. I am jealous of “more successful” people. I look up to people around me and compare myself to them. And then I am envious of them. And I start to put them down. Back into “their place”.
I am guilty of all of that weird shit.
And I am honestly not proud about it.
It’s a funny how creative your mind gets when you feel inferior to someone. It gives you so many powerful alternatives you could use so you don’t have to go the healthy route.
The “easy yet difficult” one.
All it takes to handle these situations would be to just admit to yourself that someone is better at something in a certain area. And you yourself still have things to learn here.
“Good for you!”
That should be your default response to someone you admire.
And then you figure out ways to emulate his “success” and use him as a role model to elevate your OWN game. To work on your own unique strengths and gifts.
And it solves the problem right there. No pain caused. Nobody got hurt. Just some good and healthy inspiration.
(And a sneak peak into your own possible future?)
You see a person you admire or look up to. And all you think is:
“Wow, this person really got this shit together. I love it how he handles this area of his life. I should thrive to do the same for myself as well!”.
It could be so simple.
“Good for you!”
That’s the healthy approach. But it takes courage and strength.
And oftentimes I am weak. And then I go the shitty route.
So I feel powerless. And I freak out. I don’t know how to handle it. I am clueless on how to get up there. And the “gap” in-between where I want to be and where I currently at gets bigger and bigger.
This gap in the end tears you apart from the inside. It freaks you out. It drives you crazy. How can you make it stop?
Again, you remind yourself that you could do it the healthy way mentioned above. But you also know it requires courage. And a lot of hard work.
You feel like you have to deal with this situation NOW. Short time solutions are required. Instant fixes are your best friend in this “toxic“ mindset.
I know I put people down because I secretly admire them. There is something this person has going in their life I want for myself as well. I am jealous. Envious. That they got the courage to overcome their fear and just go for it. And I didn’t. There is something I want to learn. Something I want to have. Somebody I want to become.
“I MUST HAVE IT!”, I tell myself. In this moment I truely believe it at least. But it’s all a lie. A lie I tell yourself.
But its hard to admit it to yourself.
Still, somehow, I have to deal with this freaking gap in my head. The gap between the person I want to become and the person I am right now. I look up to him. And I am not strong enough to lift myself up. To man up. To elevate my own game. To grow as a person in order to match his level. His greatness.
I am too weak.
It tears me apart and I want it to stop.
What to do?
“Come on! Be creative little shitty mind!”
Your mind obeys.
And so it comes up with this great idea. To be mean. And to drag people down on your own shitty level. Does this get rid of this mental gap?
You start to gossip. And point out all the little things they DON’T have going in their life. And neglect all the other amazing things they have accomplished. Now you focus on all the bad parts of them. And you become a shitty person.
You let everyone know. So you can justify in your weird head why it is OK to not be on that level. You think about what it costs. And all the stuff you miss out on your way to this one goal you have for yourself.
“I KNEW THERE IS A CATCH!”
And suddenly you feel a little bit better about yourself. For a short while at least. It closes the gap for a tiny moment. And you feel good about yourself again.
That was close. I nearly had to think about my own life and the choices I make everyday. I am glad I escaped that one.
“Good job, creative shitty mind. We found a better way to handle it! We are awesome! Mean. But awesome.”
We also killed one of our dreams. But it’s a noble sacrifice worth feeling better short-term.