Thomas Mondel Writer. Thinker. Blogger.

I’m Stuck – How to Get Yourself Out of Your Misery

There are times where I hope to forget my past, while I ignore the present and wait for the future to resolve all that bullshit…

Now is one of these times…

Can SOMEONE ELSE just handle this for me?

We are all stuck from time to time. Stuck in the past. And eagerly waiting for the future to resolve our dreadful life situation we have to live through in the present moment. Because of what WAS, we try to evade what IS and hope for what WILL BE.

But that’s not how it works… because the future repeats the past. And even if you somehow get over your current challenges, you’ll soon be stuck once more.

What to do when you are stuck

If you don’t like your past or the present and you don’t want it to reflect your future, NOW is the only moment to change that.

To move towards a brighter future.

But it’s draining to do this exercise every day.

It takes a lot of effort, focus and endurance.

So put your attention into the present moment. And focus on the things you CAN control right now.  Yes, it’s easier to blame someone or something else for your current circumstances. But does it help you resolve your challenges?

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You know the girls who cry about “always attracting all the wrong guys who then treat them like shit?” Again, the future repeats the past. Unless you put your attention into the NOW.

What are the flaws in my thoughts, words and actions that make me end up in this situation every time?

Do I feel like I don’t deserve better? Do I allow myself to be loved by someone who treats me more kindly? Do I feel love-worthy? Or do I secretly think I deserve to be treated like shit? Where exactly are my personal boundaries of how I allow myself to be treated? How far am I willing to bend myself?

officeshit

Tough questions.

And even more difficult to answer. But self-awareness in the NOW is what makes your future stop repeating an unwanted past. This is how you unstick yourself. How to get out of your little chaos. How to move beyond your life situations and into your life.

And the cool thing is that this applies to any area in life:

Health, wealth, love, happiness.

Self-awareness resolves everything

By putting a very critical eye onto yourself. Your words, your actions. By thinking about all your tiny (and hidden) motives in your daily routines. What drives you and what makes you tick?

Once you understand the underlying patterns, you can set yourself free again. Once you see, you can’t unsee.

“As he thinks, so he is; as he continues to think, so he remains.” – James Allen

It could be easy…

But it’s not, because people don’t get it. They’d rather put the blame on others. Maybe I don’t get it either. Since I can’t even explain it to them in simpler words. Who knows. Maybe some day I will be able to.

But all this stuff is hard to grasp when someone has no clue about what happens to them.

  • When they are just a passenger on a bumpy ride. And they are not stepping up and taking the wheel.
  • When they don’t put the focus on themselves but on the external world, and all the thousands of influences they THINK shape their current life situations.
  • When they are trapped. In their own little world of illusions. Unable to break free.

brainwashed-society

Can you help others?

Can you burst the bubble FOR THEM? And set them free? Good question. But I guess you can’t. At least I gave up on it already. Life has to do that for them. And life will. Sooner or later. You are just there to hold their hands once their illusion ends and they are scattered and lost. There’s nothing more you can do for these poor souls.

You can’t make them wake up.

And maybe you shouldn’t even. Maybe it is not your duty.

Life balances itself – with or without. No need for you to do anything or intervene.

“What else should I do then? How CAN I help them?”

Fix yourself so that you can give strength to others ONCE they need it. But don’t try to fix others so that you can THEN draw strength from them. Don’t try to solve THEIR problems for THEM.

Nobody can help you out, unless you lift yourself up first. And it’s not even their obligation or responsibility to do that for you. Get off the ground and then reach out to others and offer them a hand. Not the other way around.

Don’t be the guy who blames others for being on the ground in the first place. And then EXPECT them to reach out to you and help you get back up. Put the blame aside. Put one foot in front of the other instead and start walking again. You are not a child anymore.

People don’t owe you shit.

That’s what “becoming an adult” really means…

I don’t know why people become addicted to being a victim.

I guess there is some sense of “peace” in not taking on the responsibility of being in charge of your own life. It takes some pressure off your chest. Sounds fun. At least for a while.

But there is always a “but”. Yes, you can take the pressure off your shoulders. Get something off your chest. And life gets easier. Let others handle this for you. Let others help you with that. Life is a bit easier now.

BUT. And here is the but.

  • What if you are no longer happy with where OTHER people are taking you?
  • What if you lack the control to make your OWN decisions?
  • What if you are unhappy with where this passive lifestyle leads you? And the restrictions that come with it?

Or even worse…

time-is-running-out

What do you do when there is no-one left to blame anymore?

When people are sick and tired of helping you over and over again. And then getting blamed anyway. For not helping you faster. Or more?

Or they just leave because you dump all your unhappiness (due to the lack of control over your life) onto them. What if they suddenly get all fed up with this bullshit? And they might consider leaving you behind. Not because they are “evil”. But because they realized that they can’t carry you all the way and they have to take care of themselves FIRST.

The truth is you have to get going by yourself. We won’t all make it unless everyone starts taking on SOME responsibility of their own.

There is a big difference between giving someone a hand, so he gets up easier, or trying to lift someone up all by yourself. The first one is easy. Both parties do their parts. The other one is draining. It takes a lot of effort from the guy lifting. And zero from the guy lying on the floor. An imbalance. And life hates imbalance. It always moves towards an equilibrium.

“A strong man cannot help a weaker unless that weaker is willing to be helped, and even then the weak man must become strong of himself.” – James Allen

It’s a sad life these poor souls find themselves in.

First, these people put all the blame on others.

They don’t know how to handle the challenges live presents to them. Confused and overwhelmed they make others responsible for their drama.

They put the blame (and therefore also the control over their life) onto others. Onto the ones helping them out. On the people around them. Maybe even people who really love them and are desperately trying to help them get going again.

And yet these poor souls don’t appreciate the endless efforts. They take them for granted. And soon the good deed is no good deed anymore. But an obligation.

Like it’s your duty to help out? No it’s not. It’s a bonus. And you better appreciate it for what it is. Someone offering his time and energy to help you out.

It’s a selfless act.

Second, the “helpers” disappear.

They withdraw. And focus on themselves again. Now this poor souls are even more confused. And left alone.

“Why me? Why did they leave me?”

More anger, more pain. Now the last people who were there for them are gone. And nothing is left. Nothing but the end of illusion.

Will they now break the bubble and set themselves free?

I don’t know.

But life find its balance sooner or later.

And once it does, the bubble bursts.

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Thomas Mondel Writer. Thinker. Blogger.