I am not guilty…

“Remember yourself that you are not guilty. Repeat it for yourself everyday: I am not guilty…”

That’s what he said to me. I was not sure he was messing with me or giving me a solid advice here.

It’s kinda funny when you say it out aloud.

“I am not guilty.”

It sounds rather stupid actually.

“What should I even be guilty of?” 

But then I thought about it and I have to admit I am guilty of a lot of harmful stuff. I have to admit it to myself (which is the hardest part).

  • I am guilty of making my life harder for myself than it has to be.
  • I am guilty of discouraging myself.
  • I am guilty of getting in my own way.
  • I am guilty of raising my hand against my own luck.
  • I am guilty of doubting my abilities.
  • I am guilty of having no faith in my dreams and ambitions.

I could go on.

But I’d rather stop.

“I am not guilty.”

Sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve what I work so hard for. I work hard to get what I actually don’t really believe belongs to me in the first place. “I don’t deserve it”, is what I hear inside my head. It’s like I am not worthy of achieving what I work so hard to get. Isn’t that weird?

I am holding myself back big times. But I have to remember that it is OK to stop doing these toxic things to myself. It’s OK to be dream big and then work to achieve it.

I was reading “The Valkyries” by Paulo Coelho lately and I especially remember one part of it…

“From the moment that you set foot outside, the Valkyrie said, promise, in the name of the archangel Michael, that never again, never again, you will raise your hand against yourself. I’m afraid to say that, he answered. Because I don’t know how to comply. You have no choice, if you want to see your angel. I didn’t realize what I was doing to myself. I might continue with the same kind of self-betrayal. Now you know, Valhalla said. And the truth gives you freedom. Paulo nodded his head. You will still have many problems in your life, some of them normal, some of them difficult. But, from now on, only God’s hand will be responsible for everything. You will interfere no more. I promise in the name of Saint Michael.”

I remember whispering “I promise.” to myself in agreement after reading it.

Too often I have already raised my own hand against myself. Too many times I have cut myself short and have done less than I am capable of just because I am afraid to prove myself wrong. To acknowledge the truth that I am indeed capable of doing great things.

I interfered with my own luck. 

  • “I can’t do this!”
  • “This is too difficult!”
  • “I am not good enough!”.

Thoughts like these occupy our mind way before we haven’t even tried to go for greatness. We rob ourselves from all the chances of succeeding because we don’t feel strong enough to handle the challenge.

Oftentimes it’s our deep-seated conviction which are our biggest enemies. They are holding us back and oftentimes we don’t even know.

Just like Friedrich Nietzsche said: “Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies”.

We all have a picture of what we are capable of in your mind. And then we unconsciously live up to this idea. Sometimes the vision we create for ourselves feels like a small cage and prevents us from unleashing our fullest potential.

Again, we have raised our own hand against ourselves.

We interfered, as Paulo wrote in the story.

But sometimes this mental idea we have of ourselves can also elevate us to our best self. It’s the one thing that keeps us going.

It is our thoughts and convictions – our idea of what we, as an individual person, are capable of achieving, that defines how rich and joyful our life can be.

We tend to always want to add something new to our life in order to fix things. But what if the answer is not in adding but in removing? What if we have to get rid of some old thought patterns to make everything “click”?

Maybe it’s time to let go of some of the baggage we tell ourselves we have to carry.

Let’s just drop the bag instead!

It’s time to stop raising our own hand against ourselves.

I have to remember…

“I am not guilty.”

(Photo: Flickr)

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