Sometimes I find myself seeking my emotional stability not within myself but in other external factors.
I look at my current life situation – and depending on my flawed judgement at this very moment – I decide how to feel in this very situation. Am I allowed to feel good right now? Or more like a piece of shit?
“I have huge debts and no money, I am a loser and I should feel like shit!”
And then I do.
I love to forget that: my life situation is not my life.
(Read this again and think about it, this is kinda deep…)
It’s even worse when I try to find happiness in a relationship.
When I make myself believe that some other human being can make me happy and fill the empty whole in my heart. And soon I’ll become an emotional leech, sucking out all the good emotions out of my lovely partner.
Me and all these other emotional leeches basically give other people the power to control how they feel (just like some people make their life situation responsible for how they feel). Most of them do this unconsciously. Some maybe realize their unhealthy behavior, yet find no way to resolve it.
Emotional stability and a happy attitude is the basic foundation to even build a relationship upon. These are the basics. It is the grounding that holds the relationship together.
But because a lot of people are very “shaky” when it comes to being grounded, happy and fulfilled, the relationship itself gets shaped in the same toxic way.
You no longer see what you can contribute to the relationship to make it flourish, but furthermore just want something out of it.
It can be anything which serves your personal needs: security, love, connection, happiness, status, power etc.
But generally speaking wanting is always bad and not healthy when it comes to happiness.
(That is why I emphasise daily mediation so much, because it gives you that exact grounding I am talking about…)
Realize that nobody owes you anything!
Nobody, not even your spouse or long-time partner, wife, man, etc. They do not owe you. Just like you do not owe them.
You cannot come into the relationship with your (emotional) glass half empty. But yet a lot of people do exactly that.
They are entering relationships where they hope that the other person will “fill them up” (no pun intended lol), so that they can finally feel complete.
Although I understand that man and woman are generally “not complete” by definition, you still have to come from an emotional completeness when trying to find somebody you can create something with.
You have to get your own life handled first.
Only when your life is handled you have enough energy left to provide some value to the relationship.
It’s like there is basically “too much” good energy and happiness in you (because you are emotionally complete already), that it overflows and you have to share it.
You want others to feel the same, and because you have enough of it, there is this huge outflow of good emotions that is coming from you.
People will sense that off of you, they will feel secure and at ease, because there is nothing that you “want” from them, other than just sharing your happiness.
There is no neediness involved.
And therefore you also don’t leech upon their (maybe already half empty) cup.