This blog is dead, and I decided to write no longer and post articles here anymore. Obviously, this was not my conscious choice, but furthermore a very “hidden” one, which gained traction over the last couple of months. Back then when I was starting out in May 2013, I was writing articles up to 20 times per months. I decided to share some of my thoughts and maybe help the one or the other person. I wrote every day. Sometimes I even posted two articles a day! Of course, they were smaller in scope, the quality was lower to the stuff I try to put out now. They were more like some random thoughts put together, but you get the point. Now I barely post anymore. The blog is dead.
Just recently I was looking at my archives and the number of articles I posted in each month. July 2013 (14 posts), August 2013 (24 posts), September 2013 (25 posts). Compared to the numbers now with May 2014 (1 post), July 2014 (2 posts) and August 2014 (4 posts). I was cutting back, but I was wondering why? What happened?
I still love getting my ideas out there because doing so helps me more than it helps others (at least I still believe this). So this is not a problem. The process of writing itself helps me to clean out my mind and helps me to order and structure it anew. After every written article, I somehow feel better about myself, because I feel like I know myself better than before. I found another piece of the puzzle that is life and put it into its place. I begin to see the bigger picture clearer again. Also, I created something from nothing (that is an excellent feeling in itself) and shared it with the world (contributing my time to something bigger than myself). In return I get a lot of positive feedback, people writing me emails, expressing their gratitude and thankfulness for the inspiration they perceive from my articles. It’s cool!
When I first started out, I just wrote for the sake of writing. I posted my ideas and didn’t even care if ANYBODY would like it. Heck, I didn’t even care if somebody would read it (because “curing” myself was my priority). But I can’t say the same anymore. Now I do care what other people might think about the articles I post. I want them to like them! I know this totally goes against the “don’t give a fuck about what anybody thinks about you” mentality I love so much, but it is really hard to avoid. How could you not care about the effects of your actions? Nowadays I know that at least some people will read this blog, and I want to give them some value with each article. I don’t want to waste anybody’s time. At least some people like what I do here and I want to continue giving them something they love. Isn’t that a good thing?! Well, it looks like this “good thing” is holding me back somehow…
Could it be that too much positive reassurance (if not processed correctly) might harm us more than it helps us? Could it be, that we might get so attached to the idea we have of ourselves in our mind so that we ALWAYS want to live up to it and are afraid we won’t make it sometimes? Is the fear of not living up to these external exceptions of oneself the cause of the stagnation everyone is facing from time to time? We grave to keep this flawless “sense” of ourselves intact; at best nothing should hurt it, ever. Mistakes, rejections and failures threaten our ego, so we want to avoid them at all costs. If we would risk something and we fail, we might get negative feedback once again, and the concept of being perfect gets lost. It’s much easier to just stay wherever you are and do nothing, because this way you don’t threaten your ego, and you can still tell yourself that everything is the fine. Your ego is still “unharmed”.
My blog is dead. But maybe it’s time to go back to the roots, leave my ego aside once more and revive this little bastard!:)