Call it your inner demon. Fear. Resistance. Procrastination. Doubt. Lack of confidence. Ego. Whatever. It doesn’t matter really. It’s all the same. And it’s the only thing that stands between you and the person you are meant to become.
Today I didn’t feel like writing. Most of the days I don’t actually. Resistance kicks in. Every day. My inner demon senses I am weak and strikes in an instant. He sees the weakness and attacks it immediately. It slowly persuades you to not do whatever you are set out to do. And it gets pretty creative.
“Nobody will read this anyways. Take a day off. You worked so hard the whole week. It’s time to reap the rewards. You EARNED it. Come back when you feel like it. You can’t force inspiration. There is enough time tomorrow. This is stupid anyways. They will hate you for it. You will make people mad. It’s useless…”
The list goes on.
Resistance keeps bombarding you with these things until finally one hits you. Right where it hurts you the most. He will not stop until it finds your weakness. And then you lay down in pain and more stupid thoughts rush in. Resistance hits you while you are lying on the floor in agony. It kicks you in the balls.
Eventually it stops you from following through on the thing you set out to do. The thing you were meant to be doing. Your purpose maybe?
It just robbed one day of your lifespan. It killed a hero. It might have even killed a life.
What does it feel like?
First, unhappiness. It’s just a very light feeling of “something is not right”. And the more battles the demon wins the worse it gets. Until it becomes unbearable. Things stop to make sense. We can’t get no satisfaction. Am I depressed? No. It’s the demon within you. Everyone of us is fighting a battle we are not even aware of fighting. Not until we finally open our eyes and fight back.
He wins more battles. Next, we feel bored. We are restless. We want to make things happen. But end up doing nothing. We are confused. We doubt ourselves. The demon controls your very life. It knows how to play you like a puppet. And you blindly follow like a fool.
We want to go back to bed. We want to get up and party. You might feel unloved and unlovable. “Am I bipolar? What is wrong with me? Nothing makes sense. Is this even me?” The demon laughs and enjoys the show.
More battles go in his favour. In your worst moments you feel disgusted. With yourself. We hate our lives and even worse. We hate ourselves.
That’s how far the demon called Resistance can drive us. That’s what he likes.
You go to bed.
The next day you wake up again. Still in horror. Still frightened. You know Resistance got the upper hand the other day. You are scared that history repeats itself.
But today things are different. You are fed up with this games. Out of nowhere there is a glimpse of hope within you. You can feel it now. There is something that was not there before. Or was it there the whole time?
Everybody got his own threshold of how far he is willing to let things slip. Everyone has his limit. Now its enough. Something within you shifted. It’s very subtle. But something enlightened within yourself. And it was about time…
You declare war against the demon within you. No longer you are willing to just sit back and let him run your life. You take back your control. You reach out and grab it with both hands and never let it go again. You declare war against Resistance and all his allies. Procrastination. Fear. Doubt. Ego. He has strong allies. But whatever he throws at you. You now realize that you can take it.
Because you know that whatever it is that he is attacking is not the real you. You are underneath all that. All that surface level bullshit. None of this is you. He is boxing with shadows. You are unreachable to his harm. You are not within his reach at all. You are untouchable. And stronger than ever before. YOU are the superior party here.
And the thing is. He knows. And he is scared to death the whole time. That eventually you might find out. His secret. That he is powerless on his own.
Suddenly the negative voice in your head stops. It simply shuts down.
And there it is. Silence. You are in peace. With yourself. And with the newly found space new ideas enter your mind. New thoughts. Better thoughts.
It’s like your chains were removed. You see it clearly. You realize they were self-inflicted anyways. You know understand. The demon has no strength on its own. He is only as strong as you allow him to grow. He feeds on your pain. He loves it. But what if you just stop? You now understand…
And now its the demon who is scared. He realises that you learned his secret.
Calm and focused you go get to work. You sit down and work on your craft. Every day. You now know how the game is played. And you win it every day. Everyday you win your battles against the Resistance within you.
You understand that you can never kill the demon. He is too good at what he is doing. He is tricky. He comes up with the most creative ways to get you back. To get back the control over your life. He draws upon it. He needs it. Resistance is out to kill. And it won’t stop.
Every day you have to remember.
You have to pick up your weapons and fight back. Be alert on when he might attack next. And be prepared.
He will not get me this day.